Continuing my tips for stupid criminals from yesterday.
- When you dispose of the rest of the matching towels or the drop cloth or whatever, don’t throw them away in your own trashcan. Nor your neighbor’s trashcan. Nor your mother’s, boyfriend’s, employer’s, cousin’s, or anyone or anywhere that can be linked to you. Fast food trash cans would be a good place. They have massive amounts of trash and plenty of people in and out all day, so the likelihood that the stuff you’re ditching will be found or traced to you are minimal.
- Let’s talk about weapons. Don’t use your own gun. Especially if it’s registered, and in your name. If you use a gun and you’re careful to wipe your prints off of it, don’t be lame and leave your prints on the bullets. If you use a knife, don’t wash it off and put it back in your cutlery drawer. Besides being gross, blood will be found and they will know it’s not from steak.
- Weapon disposal is our next topic. We’ve already covered not keeping any weapon you use. How do you get rid of it, though? As quickly as possible, that’s how. The only excuse to leave a weapon at the scene if it’s registered in the name of someone you greatly dislike. Otherwise, you could leave behind fingerprints, microscopic droplets or blood, sweat or saliva, (DNA testing has put a crimp in the criminal business). So, weapon needs to be removed from the scene. Not by much, though, and this is the important part. Don’t keep it in your car, take it home with you, or leave it at the house of anyone you know. Take it with you, but you also don’t want to be caught with it on you. That would be bad. Ditch it. Quickly. Where matters, though. No nearby trashcans or bushes.
- Seen The Departed? If not…spoiler alert! Read no further. Go rent it right now, because it’s awesome. If you did see it, the end, when Mark Wahlberg‘s character shoots Matt Damon‘s character, there is much to learn from that scene. You’ll notice that Wahlberg is wearing not only gloves, (finger print protection), but also little booties (not tracking anything into or out of Damon’s apartment), both disposable. What you may not have noticed is that he’s also wearing a nylon track suit. Know why? Because nylon doesn’t shed threads or fibers. He should have been wearing a shower cap or something similar, too, to avoid leaving hairs. I don’t remember, though, if he was ever inside that apartment earlier in the film. If so, hair may not have been a big issue. Still. I vote for covering the hair. He does put on a knit cap on his way out, but I think that’s more to avoid any witness identification later. Or maybe, seeing as he is a cop, he would go to the scene after the murder was reported. He could always say he dropped any hairs then.
- My final tip for dumb criminals is this: don’t do it. Whether you’re dumb or not, you’re not going to have a better life as the result of criminal activities. You won’t be happier, healthier, or better off in any way. Odds are, sooner or later, and probably sooner, your life is going to get a hell of a lot worse. And continue to suck for years to come.